I made it only 75 pages into Paul O’Brian’s Master and Commander before giving up. The story so far: Captain Aubrey barks out obscure, possibly made-up nautical terms such as “fo’s'cle” and “cunt-splice” while having a series of civilized meals with Dr. Maturin.

If I was a lot more into naval history and civilized meals, I’m sure I’d be on the edge of my seat. At least now I understand why the makers of the Russell Crowe film needed to combine two of the books to have enough plot for one movie.

As you can see on the left, I have a leak in the ceiling in my office. Last week I (hopefully) patched the leak with some roofing caulk, then tested my handiwork with a garden hose. No leaks, so maybe it worked.

I tore off the warped, discolored popcorn texture where the leak had been and bought a bottle of Easy Touch Acoustic Texture to patch up the hole when I was sure it was fixed. Tonight, curiousity got the better of me, and I decided to try using the Acoustic Texture, just a little.

Not bothering to read the directions (why does it say “pin plastic curtain around patch area?” Oh well!), I took the cap off, aimed, and pulled gently on the trigger. Nothing. Pulled slightly harder. Still nothing. Hmm. Pulled as hard as I could.

I covered a small 2″ x 3″ section of the ceiling with Acoustic Texture, but the blowback was astounding. Popcorn and paint covered the walls, the carpet, the glass door, the bulletin board, my hair, my glasses, my clothes, the bubblejet printer, the monitor, the cable modem and left speaker, the keyboard, the desk, and the leather swivel chair. I spent the next half-hour cleaning almost everything in my office with damp paper towels.

Oops.

Once again, the right wing press is better than The Onion. NewsMax has a breathless article describing the vastly-superior Democratic voter registration efforts as “stealing the election.” That’s right: putting more money and effort into getting voters registered and into the voting booths in swing states is now apparently cheating. (As opposed to, say, disenfranchising 57,000 black voters in Florida and being elected by a partisan 5-4 Supreme Court vote. THAT’S legitimate.**) And remember, it’s not a REAL scare/smear article unless you mention a) Michael Moore or b) George Soros.

** UPDATE: Links to part 1 and part 2 of the new Vanity Fair article about the 2000 Florida election.

In other amusing political news:

Bill O’Reilly may have (jokingly… I think) referred to Daily Show viewers as “stoned slackers,” but as it turns out, not only are Stewart’s viewers more educated than O’Reilly’s, but they have a far better grasp of the issues in this presidential campaign.

The only newspaper in Bush’s hometown of Crawford, Texas, the Lone Star Iconoclast, just endorsed John Kerry for President. You can read the original endorsement-slash-scathing critique of Bush by clicking here. Sounds like the village is finally calling its idiot home.

Finally, here’s rap mogul 50 Billion’s “The Billionaires are in the House,” brought to you by the Billionaires for Bush.

I just spent an hour on the phone banks at Pima County Democratic HQ. Yes, I’m now a telemarketer for Kerry. At least my call list consisted of registered Democrats, so I was speaking to friendlies. Unfortunately, I only successfully contacted three of my twenty people, and one of them was an ex-felon who isn’t allowed to vote.

A frustrating experience, but I’ll probably do more of it as November 2 draws near.

Twenty years ago, Douglas Adams wrote a now-classic Infocom text adventure game based on Hitchhiker’s Guide. Now, with the new radio series and the movie fast approaching, BBC has a graphically-enhanced Flash version of the game on their web site.

I remember how extraordinarily difficult the original game was, and this version doesn’t include the Undo or Hint commands, which makes it even harder. Fortunately, some fellow elderly gamers still remember what to do and posted walkthroughs. And in a nice touch, the game automatically saves your progress so you can return to it later.

This stuff is better than The Onion. Actual quotes:

“You should also prepare a plan for the family members you leave behind at home. If you are traveling on business and suddenly you become a hostage, what would your family at home do?”

“Morbid as it may seem, you should make out a letter of instruction in the event of your death.”

“Instead of sightseeing, maybe consider not leaving your hotel at all.”

Thank you, Fox, for making the world a happier, healthier, more enjoyable place.

I’m about halfway through chapter 4 of the novel. And last weekend, in between jaunts up to the roof to hopefully fix a leak, I started a short story tenatively titled “The Strange Tale of Bryce mar Anders.” This is my first attempt at a PK Dick/Mieville-style dark fantasy, and I’m not quite sure where I’m going with it, but it’s an interesting experiment so far. Certainly meatier than my previous short work. I’ll post it here when/if it’s completed.

¡Ten cuidado del nombre Bush!

(Flash required.)

I was recently reminded of the time I spent writing MST3K fanfiction, or “MiSTings,” almost a decade ago, and I decided to catch up with a few of my MiSTing contemporaries via Google.

More below the link.
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